I’m guessing by this point, for whatever reason, you are toying with the idea of having a baby alone. There are dreams to let go of in order to be able make this decision.
This was definitely the biggest sticking point for me, I desperately wanted to provide my child or children with a mum and dad family unit. But finally I wanted a baby more. Serious thought needs to be given to the life that can be provided for this baby. The argument that lots of single parent families exist and that many of them function very well is fair, but can you be one of them? Do you have, or can you make, enough money to provide for a child? Do you have enough emotional support to get you through the trying times? Do you have someone who’ll take over for a morning when you need to go to the dentist or when you’re exhausted?
Be rigorously honest with yourself.
Investigate your motives for wanting a baby.
Really try for a while to imagine life without a child, it’s possible it may not be as dark as you think.
Society tells women they should have children, maybe for some it’s not what would serve them best.
It is a bold decision to have a child alone but I would not, for a moment, say it’s a bad one if you really feel you’re up to it.
This is the part that I could never have anticipated.
I ended up in this situation when a burning desire to have a baby met with the realisation that I was single and getting close to the critical age.
So, in short, it was not my position of choice.
Thus I steeled myself and jumped on the ‘assisted fertility’ rollercoaster.
For me it was an achingly long and uncomfortable fair ride.
I tried hard not to get involved in considering the injustice of it, but at times I obsessed about it.
So I want to tell you about some of the wonderful things I have learned since I had my baby.
a) I am a better mother than I would have been without the struggle;
When I am tired and grouchy I know that I wanted this more than anything in the world and I signed up for exactly this.
b) Our life is simple;
There is nobody else to concern myself with other than my son and me.
No one else’s needs to provide for.
No one to resent (not to say all partners let you down, but some do)
It is easy to define when I need help, I recognise how much I can deal with before I need a break, I have no expectation that someone will step in and ‘take the slack’, so I organise myself well.
c) I parent exactly how I want to without having to negotiate.
I am never undermined in my parenting so my child has a very clear idea of what he can and cannot get away with, there is no playing one off against the other. At times this is exhausting and relentless but again I am not resentful.
We have a conflict free home.
We are free to do as we wish, when we wish.
d) I am empowered as a woman, I have not had to attach myself to a man I don’t really love for the purpose of having a child. (I hope and expect to be in a loving relationship one day, but for the right reasons and not out of desperation).
Please don’t think this is me saying it’s easy.
It is not.
But it is definitely worth it.
There are times when the intensity of the one on one relationship is overwhelmingly stressful.
But it has some truly amazing and unexpected plus points.
If you cannot afford a little help your local council will have it’s own child care support systems.
There are usually ‘drop in’ or ‘stay and play’ centres and some provide a shared carer scheme.
These are often free or cheap and when your baby starts to need interaction with other kids they are invaluable.
I have also been told that NCT can be invaluable in getting groups of mums with same age babies together.
www.nct.org.uk
Clearly you must do it your way but here are some useful links;
www.donor-conception-network.org
Donor Baby
Donor Unknown
Style Presents Sperm Donor